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You know you might be a programmer if..

July 31, 2019Will Leffert

I have been writing a lot of focused articles as of late, and thought to myself.. You know, I obsess a lot about code.

I am always thinking about it. Cool things I can craft. Interesting solutions to problems. Ways to do something better. Hell, last night I was laying in bed thinking about how much more visually attractive arrow functions in JS are to the ES5 standard.

I'm chuckling to myself this afternoon about it. My girlfriend calls me her robot. So, in classic Jeff Foxworthy fashion, let's dive down this rabbit hole.

You might be a programmer if..

You think of cooking food as waiting for it to compile.

You watch cars at a 4 way stop and think, "I could write a more efficient algorithm for that intersection".

You'd rather spend 2 hours writing automation for a process than the 30 minutes it would take to do the process itself.

You get violently ill when thinking about having to work with a programmer who uses a different indention standard than you.

You get excited for a new keyboard to arrive so you can set up some new macros (this is me right now).

You browse Stack Overflow like some people browse Yahoo Answers, looking for the most hilarious/dumb questions (and then you realize 5 years ago you were asking those same questions).

Your plan a code-based tattoo, and then copy/paste it into your IDE to make sure there are no errors.

You get so frustrated with a user-interface that you check to see if there is an API so you can make your own..

..And for my fellow older geeks out there, you've legitimately pulled out a hex editor to change something in the compiled EXE (this is how I got into video game modding as a kid).

You write directions to your house in pseudo code.

Other people worry about something they've said years ago, and how they could've said it better. You worry about code you wrote years ago (or last week, but it has already shipped), and wonder how you could refactor it better.

The "Wikipedia rabbit hole" for you is MDN.

You're more excited about writing the code for a project than the final product itself.

You finish a project, and start all over again from scratch because you've realized a better way to do it.

You feel so guilty about borrowing code from Stack Overflow that you spend 15 minutes rewriting it to look completely different (It's ok, we've all done it).

You've gotten into a debate with someone over for/while/do-while loops and which works best for which situation (and feel like do-while is the redheaded step child of loops).

Your back to school nightmares involve you realizing you forgot to check if your code compiled before you turned it in.. And you're naked.

When you write down a message from someone left for you while you were coding, you write their name in camel case.

You joked about Python only being useful for teaching when it came out, and now wish you had spent some time learning it so you could get one of the countless jobs requiring it.

You remember Fortran & COBOL.

You have nightmares about Fortran & COBOL.

Your gamer friends talk about the latest RPG, and you have flashbacks in black & green (this one is REALLY old, but I have actually seen RPG code on an AS/400 - never wrote it, though).

You look for a changelog for a new edition of a book you've read.